Tuesday, September 18, 2007

RIP, Darling

I was over on a friend's blog, reading about her wonder woman sister-in-law who is dying of cancer, thinking how wretchedly it brought to mind my own experience with a loved one dying, doped up against the intolerable pain, holding on for dear life to the arms of the recliner, hour in, hour out, refusing to give in until the last day of his life, when he said, "Oh, I want to die!"

Then it hit me. I've successfully blanked out the anniversary date of his dying. I would have to go look at his death certificate to get the exact date (I'm not going to do that) because I've been so good at putting that horrible day far out of my memory. Suffice it to say that we're within a four-day window--more or less--of the ninth year of his going away.

This accounts for the longing I've experienced in the last few days, the inexorable sense of loss. Now that I've discovered the source, I can give vent to my tears and the loneliness that flickers out there in the shadows, far beyond my day-to-day life. Tonight I will remember my dear one, my sweetheart, who supported my writing unceasingly. A horrible irony is that his tragic, early death makes possible my cushy merry-widow life. I'm sure the bitterness of not being able to share it with him will never quite go away.

The last thing he said to me was, "I'll love you forever." Rest in peace, my darling, my dearest Rob. I don't plan to join you for a long, long time.

5 comments:

  1. Marsha, what a beautifully written commemoration. I'll be thinking about you during this three day window.

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  2. Marsha,

    My heart aches for you. But know that Rob is by your side at all times. I feel my father so close to me at all times, certainly a husband would be even closer.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers over the next few days.

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  3. Thank you for sharing the beautifully written piece about your sweetheart. What a nice picture too.

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  4. Marsha,
    That was such a touching piece of writing that it brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry that your Rob isn't here with you, to share your hopes and dreams.

    Even though you don't have the date memorized, your subconscious always know when the time rolls around. Sometimes it would be easier if it didn't keep track.

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  5. Kevin7:45 AM

    Mom,
    I had almost forgotten when I came upon your blog today. I miss Dad so much, and my sister too. I love you so much, and I hope you live a long life. I don't want to lose you.

    ReplyDelete

I welcome your comments.

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