Monday, April 27, 2009

Ok, So I Haven't Gone Back to Bed

This is too good to wait.

I got home about 10:15 on Sunday night after driving most of the day. (all right, I did take a lunch break where I could check my email.)

I gassed up for the final time in Payson before the last half-hour stretch to home. However, I neglected to take heed of the primary rule for older folks: Never pass up the opportunity to use the restroom. I figured, "I'll be home soon," and left it at that.

So. I drive up to my trailer. I park, note my mileage and time, and gather a few thing to take into the house, since I decided to not haul it all in tonight. I climb the steps to the deck, then the stoop, then put my key in the lock.

The key won't turn.

I need to note that before I left home, I had a Great Idea: Take all the excess keys off the keyring I carry in my purse and rearrange them.

A tangential note here: I changed my front lock a few months ago. At the time, I checked both the two packaged keys plus two I had WalMart make, and they all seemed to work fine.* Since then, I've been hauling around the old key in its blue colored plastic key-topper, plus the two new originals on their little ring, which I slipped onto my main ring.

So. I took the excess keys off the ring, including the old blue-topped key. I extracted one of the new keys and put a red topper on it. This I put on my key ring, and put the blue topper on the other new key, which I put on the auxiliary key ring I grab when I go to get the mail. All the other keys went on the key hook hanging in my kitchen.

Back to "the key won't turn." Really, it won't turn at all, even though it will slip into the lock. This is one of the originals for the new lock, the manufacturer-provided key. And. It. Doesn't. Work!

Remember the rule in Paragraph Three? I have to get into the house!

Okay, Marsha. Don't panic, I tell myself. People get into locked houses all the time. They break a window and open the door from the inside.


It looks so easy on TV.

I get my huge MagLight flashlight from the car. I wrap it in a towel. I put on my sunglasses to protect my eyes. I grit my teeth. I take a swing.

There is a terrific noise that echoes both through my house and into the night. Wow! Who knew B&E was so noisy?

I examine the window. Whole and strong. Not even cracked.

I swing again, really hard this time.

POW! That noise again. The MagLight bounces off the glass. The glass is still intact.

I go in search of a rock. I stand back, throw the rock with all my might and main. I hit the door, but not the window. Sheesh! I retrieve the rock and try again. It hits the glass and bounces back.

I try again. This time it bounces off the glass and into the tree well where I will not follow.

The glass remains intact. I begin to wonder if double-pane windows are made of a special steel-reinforced glass.

I try the MagLight again. Over and Over, and the noise is horrific.

The glass doesn't crack.

Do I have a signal on my cell? Yes, out in the street! Can I call a locksmith to make the 40-mile-round-trip-from-town-after-hours? No! The phone book is inside the house.

Maybe my neighbor has an idea. There is a light on, although they haven't come to investigate the noise.

I go knock. Timidly, at first, then with the force of desperation. (See Paragraph Three.) After a long while J comes to the door. I explain my predicament, and he says he'll get dressed and come help. (He is really good to me.)

He takes a look at the lock and deadbolt on the front door. "Nobody's going to get in there," he declares. (It's so nice to know I'm safe from burglars.)

To make this short(er), and to preserve my security, I'll just say that J was able to get me into the house in a way that involved my Scary Room full of cobwebs and traps made of boxes, both empty and full. But I did get into the house in time to take care of the problem caused by my not observing the rule in Paragraph Three.


*Make sure the doorknob is locked when you test keys. That is my only explanation for not knowing one manufacturer key was defective after I tested them. I can't believe I used the same key on the small ring time and time again in the months since I put them on my ring, but evidently I chose one over the other identical key on every occasion.

Now I'm going back to bed!


  1. Now you can sleep in peace knowing that no one can get into your home! (And no one will brave that scary room.) Was it Phyllis Diller who suggested the perfect way to explain a messy room, something to the effect of: Who could have done this? I hope not valuable was stolen.

  2. I mean...I hope notHING valuable was stolen.

    I need to start listening to that little voice that says, "Proofread before sending." :0

  3. Anonymous10:50 AM


    You're a riot. I'm glad you finally got safely inside your home. I have only one question. Why didn't you ask J if you could use his bathroom? At least that way you could watch him B & E into your home without dancing from one foot to the other.

    It was nice seeing you at the LDStorymakers conference.

    Deb (from Yuma)

  4. I recently learned that on TV, the glass is made of sugar--so that it shatters so beautifully. I'm actually glad you didn't break a window, they are expensive, me-thinks J deserves cookies.

  5. Anonymous10:53 AM

    Hmm. Safe and a little sorry? You must've been desperate by the time you got inside. Wouldn't your neighbors let you use their potty?
    Carol Crigger

  6. Marsha, it was an honor to finally meet you in person. You are such a wonderful woman, a choice daughter of our Father in Heaven. Glad you made it home safely.

    All the best,


  7. Broken glass is a terrible mess to clean up. I'm glad you found an alternative. I undersand that it's moments such as these that make life so interesting and enjoyable--memorable at least.

  8. Marsha that was too funny (okay, NOW it's funny, but then I'm sure it wasn't). I'm glad you are okay, and I will remember that bathroom rule for future trips. It was nice to see you again this weekend.

  9. Wouldn't J let you use his bathroom? :) I'm glad you made it home safely and are able to laugh at this coming home party!

  10. When you said you had an adventure awaiting you when you arrived at home, I was afraid someone had broken into your house...not that you'd tried to break into your own house! Glad you made it back safely, however you had to do it.

  11. Truthfully, I was so concerned about getting in the house instead of having to spend the night sleeping in the car, I didn't think to ask to use the bathroom. I'm sure J would have let me use the facilities.

  12. Hi Marsha, That was quite an adventure you had. No burglar would dare make an attempt to enter your house.
    Ours either, but for a definitely different reason which doesn't belong on the Internet.
    Glad you had a nice trip.

  13. Too funny, Marsha!
    Just think of how safe your house is. I wanna move in:o)

  14. Aren't you so glad you weren't able to break in? Now you'll feel safer at night.

  15. Well, I got a kick out of reading that. I realize it probaly wasn't funny at the time, but thanks so much for sharing! Next time I B&E I'll make sure to pack earplugs!

  16. What a hoot! Thanks for sharing, Marsha. I'll look for that to show up in one of your books.

  17. Wow! What an experience. But now that you are inside, you can rest knowing that it would take some serious work to break & enter. I'll make sure to double check my keys! It was so good to see you at the conference!

  18. Holy awesome glass windows! I hope my windows are that secure! Glad you got in.

  19. Oh. My. Gosh. I thought I had a less-than-stellar homecoming. Turns out mine was a dream! :) Glad you're home -- and obviously very safe!

  20. Thank you for the laugh. I've ignored the good sense of paragraph three a time or two myself. It puts a whole new perspective on the word "relief." Thanks for sharing, Marsha.

  21. Thanks, everyone, for your comments. I do feel safer, knowing it's very hard to break into my house. I have now put a key in a safe place so I won't repeat this experience.

    And it was awesome to see all you who attended the Storymakers' conference. See you next year!

  22. Truth is stranger and better than fiction, and here's proof. Imagining you hurling rocks at your own house in order to access the toilet cracks me up because in one form or another, we've all been there! I loved meeting you this weekend. Thanks for making so much effort--to and fro-- to get there!pruffedl

  23. Okay, now I'm the one that needs to pee...I'm laughing so hard. Sorry it's at your expense. Glad you got in though. Would have paid money to see it.

  24. Great, and clever post. Glad it turned out so well. Love you,


I welcome your comments.

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